Serious ABBA fans identify at least three English versions of this song. Of the rarer versions, the most intriguing has Frida repeat the first verse after what most of us are accustomed to as the final chorus.
B&B have given us several great "breaking up"
songs, of which The Winner Takes It All, Knowing Me Knowing You, and One
of Us are central. WAISAD, however, is my favorite. As many others have
commented, Agnetha sings the lead in breakup songs in which the woman is
devasted by the loss. [An exception would have been Just Like That, and
one wonders if that is another reasons -- unconscious perhaps -- why B&B
felt the song was out of joint.] Here, the lyric admits of almost no grieving,
and Frida is given the lead. It is a brave performance.
If you know the song's place in the arc of ABBA's
personal lives, the video can definitely bring tears to the listener. In Bright Lights, Dark Shadows, Palm tells us that the
relationship between Benny and Frida had lost its "spark" by the summer of
1980, and they were cohabiting unhappily and by habit. That autumn, Benny
would meet and begin to fall in love Mona Nörklit. He would move in with
her in March, 1981.
According to Paul Snaith (in ABBA, The Music
Still Goes On) Benny and Frida issued a short joint announcement of their
divorce on February 12, 1981. Yet Palm describes Frida as being shocked
when she saw the February 12th tabloid headlines, and makes it sound like
a surprise to her. He quotes Frida's reaction as " I didn't go out for a week - I couldn't take it." It is
difficult to understand such a reaction if indeed the February 12th headlines
were prompted by a joint press release. Nor is it clear that the legal
divorce had occurred by February 12th. In fact, the date of actual divorce
is not reliably specified in the available ABBA literature.
Björn penned the lyrics for WAISAD in February or March. He said at the time (as quoted by Palm) "I was a bit cautious because of the lyrics. Frida and Benny had just got divorced, and that's what the song dealt with, more or less." Although the song would not reach its final form until the autumn of 1981, Polar studio records show that it was being recorded and mixed between March 16th and 19th. (Palm, The Complete Recording Sessions). Thus it was that Frida was laying down the lead vocals about a month after the "announcement" of divorce, and perhaps before the actual divorce was completed.
This attempted chronology is offered as a context
in which to understand the bravery required of Frida in dealing with this
lyric. The wounds of yet another loss, another abandonment, were fresh.
It would be hard to imagine that the death of the
second ABBA marriage would not trigger Björn to reflect on his own divorce.
Therefore, this lyric may well be Björn's projection, after more than a year of analysis and reflection on the topic,
rather than an insider's statement of the
actual psychic state of Benny and Frida at that juncture. We will probably
never know. In published statements, Frida related to the "sadness" in
the lyric, not necessarily its philosophy. In either case, this lyric proves
Björn's mastery as a lyricist and maturity as a partner.
The song was given promotional video. As with the
relationship itself, Frida appears on the rocks. Hallström intercuts
shots of Agnetha, Björn and Benny turning and looking back, and there
is pain the glances. Frida faces us to sing, and delivers with a
pulse which is of the heart.
Lyric Review:
Here's to us one more toast and then we'll pay the bill ++
A great opening line. The first verse makes clear that the relationship
is just now ending, we are hearing about it in real time. The party is over;
the relationship is over, some might suggest that at least subconsciously
ABBA is over, and it is time to move on. The singer is actually offering
appreciation for what has been, rather than recriminations for what has been
recently lost. Neither pain nor guilt nor remorse, staples of this genre
of song, are primary.
Deep inside both of us can feel the autumn chill +
Autumn, the season of dying, argues that the end of the marriage was not the product of human foible, but inevitable. If Autumn corresponds to a season when relationships die, then summer is the natural season in which they would flourish (e.g. Our Last Summer).
Birds of passage, you and me, we fly instinctively +
The claim of inevitability is slightly enlarged to suggest "instinct" rather than strict predestination. Instincts are strong, but they can be controlled. The imagery puts us in the air; in this first verse, the lovers are "birds." The reference to flight implies spirit, freedom, which is a common rationalization (or cause) for divorce. As a metaphor for relationships gone sour, however, this is imperfect: some birds mate for life, and of course migrate together.
The word "fly" is very suggestive. Are we talking about "trying your wings" on a new project or lifephase? Are we dealing here with conflict avoidance? (Did he want children, and she not?) What made Benny fly into Mona's arms?
The care and sophistication of the song-lyric includes that each of the later verses will become more earth bound.
The plus (+) which I grant this line is not an endorsement of Björn's philosophy, but of his art.
When the summer's over and the dark clouds hide the sun
Ties nicely back to "autumn chill ."
Neither you nor I'm to blame when all is said and done +
Thesis statement and punchline of the first verse. If the end of relationships is inevitable, then "neither you nor I" am to blame.
I am concerned, however, that this statement of forgiveness could be a self-serving rationalization for all those who leave.
Putting aside the legal ramifications of marriage, the substance of a personal relationship is what the lovers "do" together, and the process of a relationship is how they trust and communicate between themselves. Thus the last phrase, the title of the song, may refer not only to the "end" or a relationship, but also to all that had transpired within it:
When all is said and done vs. When all has been said and done.
One recalls the reports that Agnetha and Björn themselves sought the help of a psychiatrist when they were facing divorce. Palm reports that Benny and Frida saw a marriage counselor at some point prior to the divorce. The phrase "when all is said and done" could also allude to such a process; the weeks or months (or years) of wrenching effort, with or without outside counseling, to talk through issues and make adjustments in hopes of saving the marriage. If a couple works at that and the relationship still founders, is anyone to blame?
Finally, this line may not be specifically about either couple, but a benediction from Björn, intended as solace to two friends: forgive yourselves.
In our lives we have walked some strange and lonely treks +
For the English speaker, there is something just a little awkward in the use of "treks" perhaps residing in the hard "k" sound itself when used in a love song. However, the "k" is much more prevalent in Swedish.
Slightly worn but dignified ++
Four words creating a universe for the listener's imagination.
And not too old for sex -
When this song was composed, Benny and Frida were both in their mid 30's. Each had had prior romances which produced children. ABBA, as a format and a group, was becoming a struggle. A simple and common question begins to naturally surface: are we over the hill? Here, Björn answers optimistically.
Injecting the words "and lonely" gives three needed syllables, and musical beats. If Björn means more than that, he may really be exposing inner secrets: has the relationship between Frida and Benny been lonely for one or both of them? And for how long?
The use of the word "sex" is just a bit too bald for me, and hard to accept under the real life circumstances.
We're still striving for the sky, +
No taste for humble pie -
The first verse referred to birds taking flight, putting its characters into the air. Here, in the second verse, the protagonist couple are groundlings, who walk. But they still strive for the sky. Although this song opens at the moment of breakup, the sky-strive sky-grounded metaphor also provides a description of the progression of romance -- including romances that do NOT fail.
The line offers another possible rationalization for departure: to achieve that for which we strive, we will need (or think we need) to cast off the burden of the spouse. Modern marriage counselors would point out that couples can strive for their joint and individual goals as a team.
Granted that if "no one is to blame" then there is certainly no reason for guilt or even humility, yet the reference to humble pie is still too obscure. Possibly this is present primarily to provide a rhyme.
Thanks for all your generous love ++
and thanks for all the fun
There is real pathos in grafting "generous" into a break-up song. Extraordinary.
Neither you nor I'm to blame when all is said and done +
It's so strange when you're down and lying on the floor +
How you rise, shake your head, get up and ask for more
The verse opens with our birds not only grounded, but knocked to the ground.
These lines can be equally well applied to meeting life's general challenges as working with a partner when trying to save a relationship, or working at emotional recovery after a failed relationship. They also operate as a corroborative definition of courage, an ongoing issue for Frida. Following the divorce, and to this day, Frida has tended to define strength as the capacity to deal with being loss, to move on, and to start a new chapter. These lines allow her to say just that.
More narrowly, one can imagine any couple during a specific argument, going at it, round after round.
Clear-headed and open-eyed, +
With nothing left untried
Exhausted remedies and methods...
Standing calmly at the crossroads, no desire to run -
" No desire to run" contrasts to "birds flying instinctively." In the first verse, Björn had referenced birds of passage, flying instinctively. Here that image is reversed; we are fixed on the ground, at a crossroads, and any overpowering impulse to fly is gone. There is no desire to run. If the woman in the first verse had been in the throes of heartbreak, then this line in the final verse could signify her progression through grieving, and to a kind of recovery. But the first verse did not give us such a character.
The couple are now standing. They are completely ground-bound. They deal with roads and crossroads, the horizontal life rather than the vertical. Even the desire (striving) for flight is gone. The "calm" that results is presented in this song as a product of emotional maturity. Recall that ABBA continued to work together as two divorced couples, publicly stressing their capacity to continue based on professionalism and respect. Implicit is an argument that if one fails to reach this point of calm understanding, it is a fault in that person. This claim, and all that it leaves unsaid, put into Frida's mouth at the very moment of her tragedy, produces a dark hole of pathos in the song.
The use of "crossroads" suggests the road not taken, the life choices we make. Since we are already at the stage of a final toast to the relationship, the crossroad is not whether to stay together, but the divergence of their lives resulting from the divorce.
There's no hurry any more when all is said and done +
The second thesis statement of the song. There is no hurry when you are calm. There is no hurry when you are done.
Standing calmly at the crossroads, no desire to run
There's no hurry any more when all is said and done
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